Sunday, October 4, 2009

Is this what going crazy feels like?

I think it's probably fairly routine for all of us, from time to time, consider the current state of our own sanity.  Or maybe that's just me...  But regardless, the weekends in Mogo are shaping up to be a real test to my mental tenacity.  The deal is there just are not that many people around or things going on during the weekends and it's starting to make me go a little crazy.

Wait, revision: there are almost NO people around on the weekends and there are ZERO things going on.

You know how they say that babies will die if no one touches them, because they need the human interaction.  Yea, that's kind of how I feel right now.  Not just that I don't have "things" I could be doing (I've got plenty of both mundane and relatively fun activities I could occupy myself with); it's that I am starved for human contact.  I could go on a long walk somewhere or tooling around town, but I simply cannot bear the thought of one more afternoon spent alone amidst people that so clearly feel at home here right now.

If you're starting to be concerned for my mental wellbeing, rest assured you're hearing the most extreme, but also honest, version of how I feel.  I do have a couple of co-workers I occasionally go out for a beer with and my neighbors are wonderful and I do spend time with them.  But overall it's just nowhere near enough to sustain the level of human interaction I apparently need.

I'm not averse to time by myself; some of that I like, some of that I need.  But my introverted tendencies have long since been satisfied and now the extrovert in me is kicking and screaming to get let out.  I could delineate all the reasons why it's so hard to meet people here (I live far from town, work in a very small office that doesn't interact with any other departments at the university, people go to Dar for the weekend, etc. etc.) but the point is this situation cannot keep up this way.  I can't mentally handle it.  It makes me feel crabby and lonely and isolated - and I can't go through feeling this way every single weekend I'm here.

I guess the best thing I can think to do right now is a dual-strategy: 1) make every effort I can to find some people to hang out with.  This can be hard for me, because my introverted side comes out when I'm in new situations and I can be a little reserved.  Time to get over that.  2) try to recalibrate my social needs a little more. What I mean is that in a normal life in the US you have friends you see on a daily basis, here friendships or special outings or events might be more spread out, but they also tend to be bigger (i.e. going to Zanzibar for the weekend, not just out to dinner).  This isn't the best strategy, but trying to get myself to adjust to lonelier times in Mogo, in exchange for more exciting times of travel and adventure with friends might help.

To any friends who have lived outside the US, any advice on how to deal with the loneliness factor or make friends?

3 comments:

  1. hey sis! i am so sad no one responded to this blog for you! obviously, i have no helpful advice. so how have your last couple weekends been since you wrote this? i know at least one was kind of exciting when you went on a hike . . .
    love,
    brooke

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  2. Hey Angie!! I hope things have begun to turn around in terms of the social aspect of your time in Africa. I can definately image that being difficult. I will pray that you meet some people new to hang with on a lil more of a regular basis. Ry and I just got back to PA from jackson hole, your mom is here too. I'm gonna be moving to Pittsburgh in a couple weeks. Definately gonna miss the west but, ready for a change. Good luck with everything, remember its just a for a season. Enjoy

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  3. Hey Ange,

    Great to check out your blog...didn't even know you had one. Sounds like you're getting the chance to learn alot about yourself. Thats always a good thing. Hope things pick up for ya...I'll be praying that you meet some great friends out there. Can't wait to see ya in the summer.

    -Phil

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